Research Design:
When I finished reading Belkin's Article, "Opt Out"and read about women and them being able to stay at home with their kids as an option even though they have a high degree baffled me. Then she stated that minority women don't have as much of a choice as caucasians because of their class. At first I could not disagree, then I started to think that I knew of an example that could easily disprove that statement. Social class plays a big part in the women having the "option" to stay at home with the kids or work. a minority, single parent mom may have to work two jobs just to pay rent and get by, while a caucasian more affluent lady could have a master in Business Administration and have a high-paying salary and decide to quit one day to take care of the kids. I was curious to find out if there were options that could help make it so all women have a choice to work or not, not just rich people.Methodology:
I decided to interview my step-mom, who has been staying at home with children off and on since my little sister has been born 8 years ago. I figured she had both experience with working and staying at home, so she would not be biased. My step-mom is a good example to me because she has 4 degrees and even a master's degree, yet stays at home to watch my sisters, the youngest being 5 months! That means she will have a lot more years baby-sitting if you want to call it that.
Overview of the Interview Questions:
Did you choose to become a housewife or did you feel like you were forced because of society?
ReplyDeleteNo, it was not my original life goal to become a housewife or stay-at-home mother. It was expected that I get an education and be an independent career woman. I knew I would get married eventually and have a small family of two or three children only after I have been established in a career and was in my 30s. I was on the right path upon graduating from college in which I landed my first “professional” job the following Monday after graduation with starting salary of $30K.
Working did help with the bills but somehow it adversely affected the marital relationship because we were too tired to talk or spend time with each other. All the extra time we had after work was spent on the kids and their activities or catching up with household chores. After awhile arguments would flare up more frequently.
If my child was sick at school I would be the one having to take off work to pick the child up and stay home with her. During school breaks, I would be the one to take off and stay home with the child. This caused problems in my workplace because my sick/annual leave time is being depleted and work is not getting done when I have to leave abruptly. It seemed like my job was less important compared to my spouses’.
Since I have been a stay-at-home mom we don’t have worry about either one of us having to take leave or spend money for before and after school care. We did find a better way for us to both work and at least one of us is home with the kids during the day or evening – husband will work days and I worked nights. This worked out wonderfully until husband got job in another state. Now I am pretty much a single parent. There are no jobs with flexible hours where I can go to work after my child goes to school and be off before they get out of school. I chose not to rely on anyone to take care of my children so I am staying home with them until they are older.
Sound off about daycare
When working, I did worry about my child in daycare. I wonder if she is mentally and physically stimulated or is she sitting in a crib or front of a TV for 8 hours. There was one incident that prompted me to become a stay-at-home mother was when my daughter was 11 months old I placed her in a home childcare and discovered during one of my lunch breaks that she was being neglected. She had a fever of 101 degrees, crying uncontrollably in a playpen while other children were throwing toys at her playpen. This infuriated me that the caregiver did not give my child enough attention to realize she was ill. I immediately took my daughter out of that childcare and quit my job to stay home with her until she was older, more talkative (to tell me things), and a reputable daycare was found. Now that I have another baby, I will wait until she is at least 12-18 months before placing her in a daycare and going back to work. I prefer a child development center on a military installation versus a regular daycare facility in the neighborhood. The child to caregiver ratio is smaller, they have more strict guidelines to follow while caring for children, they provide variety of activities to keep children stimulated, they help the child achieve the various age-appropriate milestones, and there are security cameras everywhere in the facility.
Are you happy being stay-at-home mom?
It depends. I am happy that I know my children are safe and being well taken care of. They are not latch-key kids who come home to empty house after school. I am readily available to pick them up from school if they are sick and be home with them as long as needed. I am available to go on field trips with them. I am there to protect them from any abuse or neglect. It takes some of the stress off my husband as well. He doesn’t have to worry about taking off work to care for them or finding someone at last minute to care for them. Our marital relationship is much better because the kids and home is being taken care of and more attention can be focused on each other.
The reason I am not happy most of the time is not having enough money, lack of socialization with other adults (not children related) and no “me time”. Overall, I love my children and it a joy to watch them grow up and not miss out on any of their milestones. I would hate to hear from someone else how my child said their first words or took their first steps. They are only kids for 18 years and time goes by fast. I don’t want to miss any of it for my own selfish reasons. I have plenty time to do my thing once they are older. I feel better knowing I am doing all things necessary to prepare them for school and life by teaching them at home.
Do you think your kids are better off with you being a stay-at-home parent or working parent?
I am sure they would benefit either way but in my opinion they are better off having stay-at-home mom because it gives them the secured feeling that I will always be there for them 24/7. Compared to my working friends’ children, my children are more verbally and academically advanced because I am able to talk to them more about things and teach them things. I have more time to take them to museums and etc during the weekdays when it’s less crowded. My children also do not have behavioral problems at school or home like my working friends’ children and they are less susceptible of being abused by strangers. My working friends’ overindulge their children with material things to make up for the lack of attention and time spent with their children during the week. Also, my college education is not going to waste because I share what I have learned with my children as well.
Wrap Up:
Women have to do what's best for them and their family's success. Some women can stay at home and afford not to work and some can't. Some want to stay at home and some don't. It all differs from family to family and both situations are acceptable and there is no right or wrong answer here. It will always be up to debate and will draw various opinions from both sides of the argument.